This Is Crippling Romance
by Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare
Summary: In which Kurt and Karofsky argue, and Kurt explains, "I'm not ready for this. I need a boyfriend who is out and proud. We just can't be, Karofsky." .:. one-sided Kurtofsky. quiet angsty. light spoilers for 2x15, mainly what Kurt says about romance.


**A/N: Written because Retrovert1go on Tumblr had a dream like this, and I asked her if I could write it, and she said yes. ;D**  
**Plus, she is also **_**Joy89 on here,**_** the same person who gave me the idea for Rewrite. So how could I **_**not **_**once again borrow her brain's lovely Kurtofsky-themed ideas~?**

**Light spoilers for 2x15 because I just watched it tonight and it's still abuzz on my mind. But the spoilers are, like, only the first sentence, and the rest if fabricated. XD**

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All Kurt wanted was romance. Just a brush of the hands was enough. He even told Blaine so.

But he hadn't expected it to come in _this_ form.

Roses clasped in the hands of his former bully, a meek smile on the taller teen's lips as he asks Kurt for a restart, a chance at forgiveness and a chance to prove himself, but… all under the cover of having dates outside of Lima and Westerville.

"We could be, like, secret boyfriends, I guess," Karofsky offered, and it wasn't enough.

Kurt wanted romance. He wanted to be able to tell people about who he's dating, to go out and show off his simple, sweet relationship with whomever he chose (he had been picturing it as Blaine for a while now), and he wanted unafraid touches. He wanted gentleness. He wanted somebody out and proud like he was, so that he didn't have to hide and could be free to have that perfect movie/Broadway/musical romance.

But Karofsky wasn't asking for that. He was asking for secrets and lies, and being kept on the down-low, and for unclean, unseen meetings that no one else knew about.

And it wasn't what Kurt _wanted._

So a fight breaks out. A pit against stubbornness of two different levels, it ending with Dave tossing the flowers down roughly onto the pavement in the Dalton parking lot, Kurt's car the last one besides the faculty's on the lot, and with the two boys inches apart again, like the locker room, yelling and yelling.

"I can't do that, Hummel! What do you want from me, huh? I'm not like you. I can't sink lower on the social ladder without falling off completely. I'll get _hurt. _You might be able to tolerate it and switch schools and do everything else that you've done in the past, but what do I have? I'll lose everything!"

"Then why try with me, huh, _Karofsky_? Why even _bother?_" He shakes his head, scowling, and turns on his heel. "No, I'm not ready for this. I can't handle this sort of secret. I need somebody who is out and proud, who isn't afraid of avoiding labels and gossip. I need someone supportive and… and _not you._" He glances back just once to see Karofsky gaping at him, seemingly caught between being wounded and furious over the rejection. "I need someone like _Blaine,_" he says at last, and now he's truly walking away, because he doesn't need to deal with Karofsky, not here, not today. He heads for his mode of transportation.

…And the last thing he expect is the sudden cry of his name – a desperate, pleading, shattered sound – and the sudden arms around his torso, a warm body pressed against his back as the arms lock over his arms and cling to him. He feels the side of a face pressed against the scarf around his neck, and can hear Karofsky _crying. _

"Please, Kurt… I'm begging you. I'm nothing anymore, not without you at school. I can change. I swear I can change. I'll come out and deal with the consequences if you want me to. You're all I want, honest."

Kurt nibbles his bottom lip in contemplation.

This moment. This feeling. _This _is romance, tragic and crippling and destitute and overpowering. And it's not right, _not right,_ because Karofsky only exhibited lust before, only one-sided sexual frustration and confusion. But now he's all hugs and trembles?

It doesn't add up.

And Kurt can't take it.

He eases Karofsky off of him and turns around to face the taller boy. There are tears streaming silently down Karofsky's face, and he looks painfully hopeful and full of an emotion Kurt has been praying to see on Blaine's face but instead only sees in Karofsky's eyes. And it frightens him how his heart reacts, clenching for the jock, his bully, and Kurt's temporarily prickling with unwanted sympathy.

But his resolve is solid. He knows that this could lead to, what this could mean: an abusive romance, a torturous relationship, and all because Kurt _knows _in the pit of his stomach that Karofsky would fall hard and fast for him, but Kurt would knowingly use and abuse Karofsky's feelings for him as soon as he had the bully rendered as vulnerable as a new puppy, and trained just to act as loyal. It would be dangerous, because Kurt would like the power too much. Would love saying 'no' all the time. And it wouldn't be right.

"No, Dave," he murmurs as gently as he can. "Us… we just wouldn't work. You need to be who you are – the tough guy, the athlete, someone who's unnoticed in a crowd of students – and I need to continue being who I am, which is the opposite. Understand? We're simply not meant to be that way. We have separate needs, separate desires, that the other person can't fill."

As Kurt walks away for the last time, Dave feels suddenly too drained to lash out like he wants to. Instead, he shudders a sigh and treks back to where his car is parked across the street from the prep school.

Of course Kurt would say no. He had expected him to, but he hadn't known it would ache this much.


End file.
